All growing up, you fantasize over who Mr. Right will be. You grow up with the stereotype of prince charming or a man who will come in a swoop you off of your feet. The guy who has perfect qualities. But what comes first? Of course it is THE LOOKS. You have to admit that when you find someone you are interested in, they have the looks which intrigue you.
But really let's be honest. Three main things are what make one person attracted to the other one.
PHYSICAL
When someone is attractive, you see less faults (subconsciously). Take for example the Brigham Young University-Idaho student we will call "Stacy". Stacy is a typical girl you would see on campus. One day she was going up the stairs into a building and her shoe came off. In a quick moment, a man was there to put the shoe right back on her foot for her. It was her little Cinderella and glass slipper moment. When she was asked what she thought of the situation by her teacher after later explaining the situation, she said it was cute and adorable. The teacher went on to ask her if the guy was good looking. She agreed and said he looked pretty good. The teacher then asked her what she would have thought of the same scenario with a 'not so attractive' guy reaching out to her and putting her shoe back on. Her reply was something along the line of it would be creepy. Some creepy guy was reaching into her space. It would have been awkward. What was the difference? PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.
SIMILARITY
There is just something about someone you meet who has something in common with you. When you have something in common with someone, you instantly are somewhat intrigued, and in turn become attracted to them. Sure you hear the cliche saying of opposites attract. But in all reality if you look at any relationship where two people are in love (or even somewhat interested in each other), you will come to find that they will have something about them which they share in common. Maybe this is why you hear those stories of people meeting their brother or sister's new boyfriend or girlfriend and being taken back at how similar they look to someone else in the family. Similarity can be either experience orientated or physically similar. Either which way ;) there is that spark from having a common ground.
PROPINQUITY
The last thing which is a culprit in the scheme of making one person attracted to another is that of propinquity or if you are like me and had to look this word up, this simply means access to a person. In all reality, when you have people who are living together in the same area or acquainted with each other, the odds of attraction increase. This can be at school, work, your community (neighbor), clubs, or a religious group. By having access to the person and being around them, you are more likely to find attraction to a person. Especially the more time you spend with them. Maybe this is why so many people send their kids to BYU-Idaho; to get them to be surrounded by people with similar values which they can meet and have access to getting to know better. But that is just a thought.
Okay, so say you are fortunate enough to have found somebody of which you are intrigued by. You may have even taken the step to say you love that person. Then what? How can we tell how well we know each other? The minimum amount of time to have been with a person and to have even began to "know" a person is three months. And even then that is just scratching the surface. Let me introduce you to what I learned last week in class. It is a little something called "The Know Quo". There are three basic parts to this concept: time, togetherness, and talk. Though some refer to the last one as thought.
Time
How long have you known the person? Not only that,but how long have you been associating yourself with that person? The suggested time in class was 3-6 months to begin to know a person (like mentioned before)
Togetherness
How often are you and the person sharing activities? Are you frequently participating in the same things as the other one? Being with the other person is another part of the the "Know Quo" steps.
Talk
The last of the three is that of talking. Forming a communication between the two of you. This step requires mutual self-disclosure. Are both people in the relationship taking equal chances to express themselves? Even after marriage, my teacher told us that this step is crucial. You can obtain it by continuing to date after marriage. That provides the opportunity to talk openly with your spouse.
Just like a three-legged stool, if you take out one, it becomes unstable. The three go hand in hand. If you use these three ideas, you can check how well you truly know somebody.
Alright, enough of that. I don't want to sound like I actually know what I am talking about. This is all just what I have gathered from my weekly notes. If there is one thing I took from this week's discussion of dating and how important it is to date and not to simply "hang out", it is that you marry HOW you date. Whatever you are doing before you get married,your relationship tends to follow through with similar steps and attributes.
In the end, you will find people you are attracted to. Who knows, maybe you will have your own GLASS SLIPPER moment and end up happier than you could have imagined.
~Mary
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